Shit happens

Me: "Do you think perhaps the next time you decide to shit your pants, you could give me a heads up?"
Josh: "Perhaps."

Positive Reinforcements

Josh: "If you behave mommy, I will give you a bubble bath tonight."

Cat Scratch Fever

Josh: "Aaaaahhhh....Mommy....mommy....mommy...kitty hurt me!!!"
Me: "Did he bite you?"
Josh: "No, he just hit me."
Me: "Did you deserve it?"
Josh (laughing): "YYYEEESSSS"