Draw something

Me:"I love the pink Jesus, blood squirts and all"

Speed Demon

Staci (after explaining that I couldn't find a fee anywhere on my speeding ticket.  Which the officer printed from his vehicle, it was not a pink carbon copy like I am used to): "Oooooh, Cary ticket.  Figures they would be fancy and hard to read."

I wanna be like Mike

Mike:"We used to have chickens in the Philippians"
Me:"You don't anymore?"
Me (as I ask typing this):"how do you spell Philippians?"
Mike:"beats me, I've been trying to spell that for years"

*sidenote: I still spelled that bitch wrong....apparently, it is Philippines.

Rock on....

Christa:" momma, you know these chairs rock..."
Tim:"only because I'm sitting in them"

Momma said knock you out

Me:" I don't like how physical you are...you know, one of these days some kid is going to haul off and deck the shit outta you."
Josh:"tell me which kid......"

*like he was taking notes or something

Light my fire

Josh:"when I get older, can I smoke?"
Me:"that is you're decision, but I really hope not.....it can really hurt you"
Josh:"ok, when I get older, I will try the fire.  It I don't like it, I won't"

String cheese

I can pull a bunny out of my hat

Me: "I wear magic underwear, so I should know"

Show me the money

Tim: "if I had a ride lawn mower, our yard would look so much nicer"
Josh:"we don't have the money for that daddy"
Me:" look at you, our little financial planner..what should we spend our money on?"
Josh:" me!"

Ribbon Cutting

Josh: "Hey guys.  I just heard this on the radio.....In July, a new restaurant will be opening.  Seriously, I am not kidding, it was on the radio."

*He is stalling.  It is bed time.