"Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep." - Mahatma Gandhi

We are rough-housing a little before bed time tonight.  Josh is acting especially silly so all three of us are cutting up and cracking up.  Then Josh puts his arm around my neck and says:

Josh: "SLEEP.  GO TO SLEEP."

Yep...my kid tried putting me in a sleeper hold.  How does he know about this shit? 

Your breath is so bad... when you talk your teeth duck.

Josh: "Can I smell your breath?"
Me: "Um...ok......"

*So, I breathe on his face

Josh: "Ewww.....your breath is funky.  Probably because you drank a soda.  Can I smell it again?"

Ridin' Dirty

Chris: "Hey man, the rental car is like a hooker.  I plan on getting my money's worth."

The early bird gets the worm.

Tim: "It's all fun and games until someone gets beamed in the head with a Gloworm"

Metal Mouth

Me: "Do you know why Daddy wears a retainer?  If you had to take a guess, what would you say it was for?"
Josh: "I think....it is to protect his teeth."
Me: "Actually, it is to keep his teeth straight, but that is REALLY smart!"

Forgetaboutit

Josh: "Mommy, I have a hangnail on my big toe, can you take care of it for me?"
Me: "Sure thing.  Go grab me the clippers."

Me: "While I am doing this, I am going to take care of clipping the rest of your nails, ok?"
Josh (a couple of toes later): "MA!  You're killin' me!!!  I'm watching Jersey Shore here!!!"

* I was watching Jersey Shore when he came in with the clippers.

Party Animal

I decided to spend some 'me' time and head to Old Navy for some retail therapy.  Heading out, and leaving Tim alone with Josh to put to bed....

Me: "Give me kisses.  How many girls are you going to invite after I am gone?"
Josh: "1..2..3..4..There's Jasmine and Anabel and Ella and Harleigh"
Me: "Wow.  What are you guys going to do?"
Josh: "Just trash the place."

Caterpillar

Josh: "Look Mommy!  I made a bulldozer!"

Working on the Chain Gang

Me: "Some dude is in my ditch...what is he doing?"
Rene: "Does he have a county suit on?"
Me: "You mean like an orange jump suit?"

This is the United States calling...are we reaching?

Tim was reading "The Children's Bible" to Josh.  I dunno, Josh picked it out, but whatever.  Meanwhile, I was putting away Josh's laundry I just folded...

Tim: "And they prayed to....BABY JESUS."

Me: "Ha Ha Ha...why did you emphasize BABY JESUS?  It sounded funny."
Tim: "Are you picking on my reading?  This is why I hate reading books to him."
Me: "NO!!!  Not at all!!!  You read a lot better than you think you do.  I was laughing at the way you emphasized BABY JESUS.  All monotone like.  Almost like one of those fill in the blank recordings.  Do you know what I am talking about?"
Tim: "Would you like to receive a collect call from...BABY JESUS?"
Me (in hysterical laughter): "YES!!!!  Just like that!!!"