Ooo...that smell.....

Me:"Kitty, why do you smell like maple syrup sometimes?"
Tim pipes up. "He's Canadian."

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe

Not only did I NOT get carded tonight going into the venue when Tim did, but I also got called "mam"..TWICE!!!!!

If i had a hammer...

Tim:"we were going to pound it out in like 30-40 mins."
Me:"dude, you just talked about pounding it out with your boss....and not the chick....."

The other white meat

Tim:"what kind of chicken do you want for dinner Josh?"
Josh:"bacon."

Dirty bird

Tim:"Oh no!  She's eating my wet caulk..."