"Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!" - Homer Simpson

Me (while reading "The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog"): "So, what does a hot dog taste like to you?"
Josh: "Ketchup."

Cousin It

Me (While Josh is taking my hair and covering my face with it): "Josh, what are you doing??
Josh: "Covering up your face.  It's like a helmet.  Is it dark in there?"

Not Tha Momma

Josh (sticking his fingers in my mouth trying to push my buttons): "Don't bite my fingers, you are not a dinosaur!!!"

How does he know?

Baby Got Back

Josh (while Tim is drying him off from a shower): "Are you looking at my BUTT?"

Chickity Chinese the Chinese Chicken

Tim: "Tonja, tell me what Josh is saying...I can't understand him"
Me: "Josh what are you talking about?"
Josh: "I want blah blah blah (some word we can't understand but kinda sounded like duck) sauce & chicken for dinner."
Me: "You want duck sauce and chicken for dinner?"
Josh: "EEEWWWW....YUCK!! That's gross!!!  No....I said....blah blah blah (some word that we can't understand but still sounds like he is saying duck) sauce & chicken!"

*The face he made was so sincere.

*For the record....we are still not sure what he is talking about.

Waterboy

Josh: "I can't have some water when I am butt-NECKED"

Proud Mamma

Me: "Josh, would you like some water?"
Josh: "No, but thank you for asking."

*I know this one isn't funny. But his response melted my heart. On his own, without any persuasion....just like a polite little man. I am so proud of my kiddo. He truly blows me away on a daily basis. I constantly have doubts about whether or not I am doing the right thing with Josh - Am I too hard on him? Am I not hard enough? I don't want a bratty shithead. He is an only child. I don't want to screw this up. This is his life, not mine, that I am molding. Cover your mouth when you cough, say "please" and "thank you", SHARE, close the toilet lid, say "excuse me" when you burp and fart, etc. This is one he did ALL on his own. Wow.