Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Josh: "Oh. My. God. My butthole is SOOOOOO dirty!!!"

Tim the Food Critic

Tim: "I know what a parfait is...it's that thing from McDonalds."
Wow. Normally I have some sort of funny Josh-ism, but Tim took the cake this time. Twice in one day.
Me (I made strawberry sorbet): "Do you like it?"
Tim: "It tastes like frozen jelly."

Gold Digger

Josh (while digging in Tim's pants): "You got monies for me?"
Tim: "No."
Josh: "What about the other pocket?"

I'm waiting...

Josh (while on the shitter): "Wait for it...wait for it..."
What comes next is the sound of a giant turd plunging into the water beneath his ass.

A word not in my vocabulary

Josh (after receiving a handful of M&Ms from me): "STUPENDOUS"
Seriously, what 2 year old says this?

Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet, & Watch

Tim: "I dunno Tonja....I never sat in a corner with a rosary."
Me: "You are supposed to sit in a corner?"

Wants vs. Needs

Me (while reading 'The Pigeon Wants a Puppy' to Josh): "If you could have anything, what would you want?"
Josh: "REALLY big hot dogs, REALLY big sandwiches, and REALLY big robots."

Clean Freak

Me: "Josh, what are you doing?"
Josh: "Picking lint off of my pizza."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Josh: "See...." (It was spices.)