Weird science

Me: "she wasn't dead...she just...wasn't...alive...anymore..."

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream

Khloe (yes, Kardashian): "I love drag queens!"
Josh: "I love Dairy Queen too!"

Miss Chloe

Mandi: "you got that from the fridge."

Ivy: "thank you for telling me."

$5 me love you long time

Katie: "Dude......dry sockets suck dick more than sucking dick does."

Class Act

Brandon: "Has Josh got any marks on his permanent record yet?"
Me: "He only went to class once....."

Showing my patriotism for the 4th

I was telling KL about the lightning strike and how we were sitting there, watching "Beavis & Butthead Do America" and how I was bummed that we didn't get a chance to finish.

KL:"spoiler alert: they do."

I'm Lovin' It

Me: "is that really a Mc Donald's ad?"
Tim:"yes. It is.  You can click here to learn more."

Cantando bajo la lluvia

Josh is singing loudly in the shower.

Me:" what is he singing?"
Tim:"i don't know!  It is Spanish!"

I am stuck on band aid bc brand aid is stuck on me

Tim: "Icarus really should have used Gorilla Glue"

Don't bite the hand that feeds you

Josh: 'Don't you DARE try to pull my tooth out.  Your finger goes in, I bite! (chomping)  The I swallow it, poop it out, then you will have to dig thru my poop to get your finger back."

Yo tengo un el gato negro in mis pantillones

So this guy just walked in that doesn't speak ANY English....
Angela: "we should have said Nessicitas vendar Rosetta Stone"
My response "Andale!!!!"

Drop it like it's hot

Josh: "So, Mommy....you know the hot one on the Avengers?"
Me: "Are you talking about the girl, Black Widow is her name..I think."
Josh: "Yeah."
Me: "Ok, what about her?"
Josh: "She's hot.  I like her style..."

Error 404

Me: "i think i have a problem with Facebook"
Tim: "um, yeah"

(i kept getting an error from Facebook)

Family love

Lily: "c'Mon honey...." (talking to Josh)
My mom: " what are you guys doing?"
Brandon: "they are playing West Virginia"

The crusher

Josh:"I like her voice. I like her teeth.  I like her hair.  I like her skin color.  I really really like her."

*this would be the girl who plays the character of Rachel on Glee.

Gold Rush

My Mom: "I did it all for the loogie, the loogie, so you can take this boogie...and fling it over there...and fling it over there....."

*We were talking about how we can't understand people eating oysters, bc it is like swallowing a loogie."

That All Depends

Angela: "What is with you and Mommy peeing your pants?"
Brandon: "Don't they poop their pants too?"

Lego land

Josh's first real house on his own. He has always made vehicles and weapons, but this appears to be the beginning of a town.  I love the broken bones surrounding the fire in the backyard. 

Josh's Jon move

Josh: "daddy, i saved you one..."

With a cherry on top

Josh:"hey! That's mine! Give it back!"
Me:"you are not being very nice"
Josh:"I almost said please"

They are coming to take me away, ha ha!

Josh is packing up Waddles's shit....they are headed to Vegas for 3 days.  When I asked him where they were staying, this was his response:

Josh: "Just with some friends.....at the hospital."
Tim: "Dorthea Dix is a lot closer."

$5, me love you long time

***: "I used about a nickel bag size amount of panko"

The early bird get the worm

Josh: "I have a worm coming out of me!!!!  Look at my worm!!!  It only has one eye!!!"

*yes, this was his penis he was referring to. smh*

Ooo...that smell.....

Me:"Kitty, why do you smell like maple syrup sometimes?"
Tim pipes up. "He's Canadian."

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe

Not only did I NOT get carded tonight going into the venue when Tim did, but I also got called "mam"..TWICE!!!!!

If i had a hammer...

Tim:"we were going to pound it out in like 30-40 mins."
Me:"dude, you just talked about pounding it out with your boss....and not the chick....."

The other white meat

Tim:"what kind of chicken do you want for dinner Josh?"
Josh:"bacon."

Dirty bird

Tim:"Oh no!  She's eating my wet caulk..."