"...If I can Remember To know this will Conquer me If I can Just walk alone And try to escape Into me..." (Disturbed)

Josh (to me after I told him he would spend some time in his room for not listening to me): "I HATE YOU.  I HATE YOU.  I HATE YOU.  No more hugs and kisses for you.  I mean it this time.  I am going to try really hard to remember."

Me (Laughing my ass off at this point): "If you have to try to remember, you don't really hate me."

Break me off a piece of that

My mom:"are you going to give me a hug"
Josh:"are you going to give me a kit kat?"

Brother in law

Jon's friend:"wait, you have a gay brother?.....ooooooh, you have a sister"

"Test Driving" Religions

Tim: "I look for a church with that new car smell"