Our nightly routine

Josh: "Daddy, so far I love you."
Tim (chuckling...while I am cracking up in another room): "So far I love you too, Josh."

*This prompted Josh to fake laugh.

Tim: "You are just laughing because Mommy is laughing."
Josh: "No, I laughed first."

Tim: "Josh, go get dressed."
Josh: "Daddy, my balls are hanging out.  My balls are hanging out.  My balls are hanging out......MY BALLS ARE HANGING OUT......"
Tim: "Then fix them!"

*He pulls his underwear down a little too far.

Josh: "Now my pee pee is hanging out the top."

Josh: "Daddy, I want to tell you a secret...." 

*I am convinced the rest was not in English, but he walks into the room with his socks balled up in the crotch of his underwear.  This was all in a 10 minute time span. 

Golden shower

Josh (explaining the water cycle): "Sometimes, there is water in the air and it goes up to the trees, the tree drinks the water, then the tree pees, and it makes a river."
Me: "How does the tree pee?"
Josh: "When someone pokes a hole in it."

The Thunder from Down Under

Me: "Josh, it is ok to have fears, but it is not ok to over react."
Josh: "But the thunder scares me!"
Me: "It can't hurt you.  It is just a noise.  I listen to my music louder than the thunder outside right now."
Josh: "Well, we can get the cat piano (toy keyboard), turn up the volume, and that will solve the problem."
Me (very proud): "That is excellent problem solving Josh, but it is time for bed and that is not an option."
Josh: "Ok.  Well, we could turn my mobile (yes, he still has the music part of his mobile) on and that will solve the problem."
Me: "I am ok with that."

Respect my authority

Me (on a bike ride): "I just got bitched slapped by a tree!"
Tim: "Did it leave a mark?"

Parenthood

"If I could keep you little, I'd keep you close to me.
But then I'd miss you growing into who you're meant to be!" - Marianne Richmond

*My mom gave me and Josh a book today that was all about this.  I am having a really hard time letting go of some things, particularly Josh.  Of course the damn book me made cry like a baby.  But, I liked the message a lot.  Thank you mommy, I needed this.

I ♥ NY

Josh: "Maayyyybbbbeee...we can ride our bike to (whispering) New York!"

Pretty Please with a Cherry On Top?

Josh: "Daddy, I am mad at you for bringing me my water."
Tim: "Josh, I was doing you a favor."
Josh: "I didn't ask you for any favors.  I will do it every day from now on."

What a sassafrass!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Tim: "Josh, you can't have any more fruit until you eat some more chicken.  You can't have JUST fruit for dinner."
Josh (after hiding his chicken in the sauce): "Ok.  I ate my chicken.  May I have my fruit now?"
Tim: "Josh!  No You Didn't Eat Your Chicken!  You Just Hid It In Your Sauce!"
Josh: "Well, you weren't supposed to see that.  Close your eyes and then I will eat my chicken."