Al Bundy

Me: "Josh, get you hand out of your pants."
Josh (preceding toward me with open hands): "Fine!  Than I am going to get you dirty.  Dirty and smelly!"

*Yes, he did what you are thinking he did....he wiped his crotch hands all over me.  Gross.

So Fresh and So Clean

*Josh went to his room (on his own) to "cool down" after he got upset when I told him to stop hanging on me.

Josh (walking out of his room): "I am ok now.  Can we start fresh?  Do you know what 'fresh' means?"

Stink bug

Angela: "Do you see Gandpa Fetterhoff?"
Josh: "Yeah.  He farts up a storm. He farts in our house.  He farts in the car.  He farts everywhere.  He has a stinky butt!"

Hot Mama

Josh "Yo Baby! What's up?"
Tim: "You are supposed to say that to cute girls."
Me: "Yeah Josh...so next time we are at the store and the cashiers are flirting with you, don't be so shy."
Josh: "You are a cute girl, Mommy.  That's why I said Yo Baby!  What's up?"

Dream a little dream.

In our everyday morning ritual, one of the first things I do is wash Josh's face - gotta get the eye boogies out.

Josh: "You are wiping my dreams away."

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it must be a duck

Josh: "Mommy, will you sleep with me?"
Me: "Aww, Josh....why do you want me to sleep with you?"
Josh: "Because my duck doesn't talk anymore.  He is dead.  Somebody killed him."
Me (very sad and confused that he would say this): "What happened?"
Josh: "I'm just kidding."
Me: "Well...Josh Daddy would be very sad if I didn't sleep with him"
Josh: "Well...Daddy can sleep with Waddles and you can sleep with me.  Problem solved."

Get to the point.

Me: "Tim, please be careful., I have a bad scrape on my forefinger."
Tim: "I have ten fingers."

5 minutes later.....

Me: "See my scrape.  I told you so."
Tim: "Oh wait....your pointer finger is your forefinger?  Oh, that makes more sense.  I really thought you were just playing around saying you only have four fingers."