Cutting the cheese

Josh: "I fart crackers. You fart cheese mommy.  So, you fart on my fart and we can have cheese and crackers!"

"I've Got Big Balls..." - AC/DC

Josh: "My balls are back."  (He is taking a bath while apparently examining his balls.)
Me:"Back from where?"
Josh: "From my tummy."
Me: "Why were they in your tummy?"
Josh: "Because they were lost.  But I found them.  My balls are back."

Someone thinks he is funny.

Me: "Ok.  I am done.   Venting."
Tim: "Ok.  I am done.  Listening."

The doctor is in...

Angela: "Josh, where did you get that cool sticker?"
Josh: "It's Wolverwine (whispering)...and I got him at the piggy bank doctor."

*He means the bank.

Chicken Little

Josh: "Can we take Waddles to the doctor?  He is sick."
Me: "Why?  What's going on with him?"
 Josh: "He ate some raw chicken.  Can you check his throat?"

While on the subject of Waddles, Josh insists that he wears pajamas.  He does not like being naked anymore!  So, in an effort to accommodate a concerned little boy and a naked duck, I go on a hunt for an outfit.  Apparently there are NO boy or even gender neutral doll clothing in all of Fuquay Varina (which is limited to a Walmart).  Needless to say, I had to buy a freaky baby doll, rips the clothes off of her, and snatch her accessories (bed, pillow, and teddy bear as well as a diaper bag, bib, bottle, food, and dishes.).....which are also pink.  The freaky (now naked) baby doll went to Lily, Waddles has clothes, and Josh is happy. This has also brought about a very important learning lesson - it is ok for boys to wear pink.

Freak on a Leash

My mom (playing Guitar Hero with Tim and me): "I have never heard this song before.  I don't recognize it."
Me: "So, do you like it?"
My mom: "Yeah.  I do."
Me: "I can't believe you like Korn!"
My mom: "Well, I like it better than broccoli..."

Oh No!.....This is SEAWEEIOUS

Me (noticing I can't find anything because Tim was an awesome husband and emptied the dishwasher): "Josh, tell Daddy he RUINED the kitchen!"
Josh: "DADDY!!!!  You ruined the kitchen."
Tim: "Ha. Ha."
Josh: "It isn't funny Daddy."
Me (in between laughing hysterically): "Thank you Josh!"
Josh: "You're welcome."

Pimple Power

Me: "Josh, your cheek looks great, the A&D worked!"
Josh: "NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!  Why did you take my pimple away?  I just want to have it back!!!!  Put it back on my face!!  Let me have my pimple BACK!!  I am mad at you for taking my pimple away."

Overkill

Russ: "What did Santa bring you Josh?"
Josh: "I can't tell you.  There was too much."

*In all fairness, I think Josh was right.

Self Assertion

Josh: "I need to calm down.  Everybody go away!"

Yo! MTV Raps

Tim: "....and another thing, we really need to do the tutorials on how to rap."

*for the SingStar.  But he was really serious when he said it.