Goldmember

Josh:"I'm all about peeling some dead skin"

A plague on both your houses

This little piggy

Me:"if you would just interlock toes with me, this would be all over"
Tim:"if you would just drop it, thus would be all over

*Side note - why don't people hold feet like we hold hands????

50 shades of denim

My mom (via text):"Just saw a guy with a friggin pair of capris on...no shit. They were jean type..wtf? I told your dad those are a hard limit for me...lol"

Sometimes you feel like a nut

Josh:" for being such a good girl, you deserve a peanut"

Key west

Josh:"is this the rain forest?"

Ham stain

Tim:"I know, I have mommy's meat juice on my pants."

Talk dirty to me

My mom: "spit in my  goggles!"

Heart healthy

Josh: "mommy, I don't want to get sucked by vampires..."
Tim: "Josh, mommy cooks with way too much garlic to worry about that"

Bros before hoes

Tim spilled his Mt dew.  Like he forgot where his lips were.  When I laughed at him about it, this was his response:

Tim:" what??? I was just giving my bro some....."